“It’s always somethin'”

Remember the original Saturday Night Live episodes where Gilda Radner played Roseanne Roseanna Danna whose signature quote was, “Well, Jane, it just goes to show you…it’s always somethin’. If it’s not one thing, it’s another.”

That’s where we are with our house this week. Since we moved in May, we’ve had two visits from window service techs and they’ll be out countless more times because the efficiency concept eludes them. Nor does anyone seem to comprehend the screen dimensions for a single bathroom window. We’re going to ask Santa to bring it.

In addition to still lacking a bathroom screen, three downstairs windows were replaced with tempered glass to bring them up to code. I remember confirming the required locations for tempered glass with the sales rep, and yet, none of our windows were manufactured with it, which goes down as another mystery of the building trade.

Tempered glass is much heavier than regular glass, and when I opened one of the windows with it, it slid almost shut. You would think they would know this and bring with them the balancing mechanism appropriate for the new window weight, but that is too logical, and besides, there is always time to make another trip because it’s what they do and we’re supposed to be grateful for it.

door#1

Now here’s where It’s always somethin’ crops up again: In the last two weeks, the latch in the kitchen patio door wouldn’t budge, which meant we couldn’t open the door. A service tech (who came out yesterday to replace the glass in one of the windows) found that when the low voltage crew wired the house, they drilled too far into the side of the door to install a motion sensor and damaged the lock mechanism.

door#2

A piece of the lock mechanism had become lodged inside, causing the latch to stick.

door#4

The tech pulled the piece out and got the latch working again, but now I’m worried:

Me: Isn’t the lock mechanism compromised?

Tech: Yeah, and while it may be working now, if you have trouble in a couple years—because it’s been damaged, it’s no longer under warranty. I can get you a quote for a new one.

Me: No thanks. This is going back to the builder.

Not said: Now where in the *bleep* are my new balancing mechanisms?????

And if it’s not one thing, it’s another: While the tech was checking the latch, he noticed that a whole lot of hardware was missing from the hinges. There are four hinges supporting the door, with each hinge containing four screw holes. Two screws were missing from every hinge.

Also not said: Uh, didn’t your company install the door?????

door#3

Just shoot me now.

We’re about to wrap up our post move-in punch list. I’d better brace myself for another large dose of It’s always somethin’.

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